Always on Time!

Let me just begin by saying Gods timing is absolutely perfect! 

Today I had my very first day as a teacher in my very own classroom! I had 10 amazing students, so very precious and special in their own way!! It was quite fun being Miss S, knowing that the Lord gave me His strength and grace to work hard through 4 1/2 years of college to be the teacher He has called me to be, even just to rewind to about 3 years ago when my simple prayer was, Lord give me the opportunity to love the unlovable, no matter where it may be!!!  

If I can be honest though, I did not think it would be Ohio or even the US, but you know what?

I am so thankful the Lord but we right where He deemed best, because yes it is hard, challenging, and different, but I have some amazing support and I could not imagine being anywhere else but within the will of God, so because I am in His perfect plan, I could not be happier or more content! 

Through this whole process, Jesus has taught me so much, HE has shown me how to trust in a DEEPER and WIDER way, How to see that all that He is taking me through is a process, a process that I had to fully depend on Him!!!

Just to think.... a little over 3 weeks ago, I wept in the middle of the living room floor, for I did not know where I would live!! 

But today on August 18th I am here to tell you, the Lord had the best place for me to live, a place of peace, fellowship, a place where the spirit of God lives, a Home, all thanks to the body of Christ!!! A home only 20 mins from my school!

God answered so many of my prayers in His perfect timing and way!

So what the enemy meant for Evil or Harm, God meant for His good!! 

With one day down I am so excited for this school year, my prayer and heart is that the Lord would use me for His glory to love each and every student with His grace and love and to show the love of Christ to my staff that they too would want to know Jesus!

Take this life and year ahead Jesus and use it for your Glory, for it all belongs to you!!!

Reminders

This post came from, my blog a year ago right around this time, when I was preparing for Thailand and needed $3,000 to go, which God provided every penny for, but here it is:  "As the Lord continues to ask me to trust Him, He sends little reminders my way to encourage my heart... such as the words from this devotional I came across today:"I want you to be all Mine. I am weaning you from other dependencies. Your security rests in Me alone--and not in other people, not in circumstances. Depending only on Me may feel like walking on a tightrope, but there is a safety net underneath: the everlasting arms. So don't be afraid of falling. Instead, look ahead to Me. I am always before you, beckoning you on--one step at a time. Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, can separate you from My loving presence." Wow! What a reminder and challenge as I continue to embark on this journey leaning completely on the Lord!"

This was a year ago, but I believe that I needed this REMINDER more now than I did a year ago, don't get me wrong, I needed it then too!!!

But lets just pause for a moment,

Ok,

So our God is so good and orchestrates our life and every detail so much, that He knew on July 14th, I would need this reminder! As I prepare for a new journey, a brand new step in life as a first year teacher as a special ed teacher and not a clue as to where or who I will live with! I am terrified, honestly scared out of my whits!!! 

But I am taken back to the truth of the Lord that we must have faith, He is going to carry me and provided for every need as I take it moment by moment!

Its ok to be scared! But I am called to trust, to trust fully and completely! 

He is ABLE I am confident!!! I am thankful!

Satan has no way, I will not give him room or time to influence!!!

I am victorious in Christ! I will not allow fear to overtake or hinder what God is doing or what He is about to do!!

This is my Praise song right NOW!!!!

Hallelujah! 

You have won the victory.

Hallelujah! 

You have won it all for me.

Death could not hold you down

You are the risen king

Seated in Majesty

You are the risen king

 I am so thankful!!! He has indeed won the victory and He is my King!!!!

Our Mess is Our Greatest Message

Our Mess is Our Greatest Message, hmmm... What does that mean? And why does that resonate with me soo much?
Well honestly! I feel such a mess sometimes.... I feel discouraged and wonder... How can God use someone like me, who struggles with so much!! With the FEARS of being alone, the unknown, of messing up, not getting it! Someone who can be very dependent on others at times, one who just feels soooo broken at times!!!! 
Doubt run through my head so much of the time... How am I gonna do this, have I made the right choice? 

Soooooo,
After a harder day or more like few days... I was sooo encouraged and challenged by a podcast I heard from Priscilla Shrier, that Reminded me that  I need to clean my nets... I need to just stop for a few moments,
Refocus, get my bearings, refresh!!!
I also am So thankful for those who The Lord has placed in my life to help me clean my nets!! We have not been called to live this life alone, but he has given me sisters in the faith that love him soo sooo much!! And boy, I just get goose bumps that the Lord would give me a kinder spirit that loves Jesus as much as I do and wants nothing in this life more than to please and completely live her life for Jesus!!! 
I was reminded that my Jesus sees every detail of my life...  Not one tear goes unnoticed!!! And He wants to invade each and every part of our lives!! Our mess can be our greatest Message for Jesus! 
So sometimes when I feel such a mess and doubtful!!! 
I am so thankful to have the examples and stories in the Bible of those who also were a mess!!! Those who decided to dive into the deep waters when it made no sense!!!But you know what else??? There is not 1 story, not even 3 or 4 but sooo many accounts!!
Where soo many had to step out in faith to the crazy call of trust to say Yes when it made no sense!!
Noah  built an ark when there was no rain!
Moses stretching his rod out over a body of water
Sara shopping For maternity clothes at a super old age! 
Ester going in against protocol to go in and speak to the King!
Wise men, following a big star
Peter stepped out on water 
Teen Mary getting prego, saying an angel did it!
Jesus hanging on a cross!
Soooo these people did crazy things  and said yes even when It didn't make sense!
But you know what?
It did rain!
The Red Sea did part!
Sara did give birth!
Easter did save her people out of great harm!
The wise men did find baby Jesus!
Peter walked on water!
Mary gave birth to the Messiah!
Jesus died and rose again and saved the World!
God asks us to dive into the deep water... Where we can't touch... He wants us to have the courage to say Yes!!! Even when it does not make sense!!!
So I like these Bible Heroes I am a mess, what God asks me to do sometimes does not make sense! It is scary! But I am not the First! And I will not be the last!!! But Just as He used their mess for His divine purpose and Message! He can use mine too!! 

I have been given:
A promise! 
I am in the process! And have seen Gods faithfulness time and time again!! 
I have been given examples!
I have others to journey with!! 
But most of all!!! I have my Jesus, who sees and is with me through every detail!! I must simply trust and allow Him to invade every space of my life!!
I am in the process! And have seen Gods faithfulness time and time again!! 
I have been given examples!
I have others to journey with!! 

But most of all!!! I have my Jesus, who sees and is with me through every detail!! I must simply trust and allow Him to invade every space of my life!!

Yes Lord

I have been called and have said yes! As of June mid June... i have said yes to the calling to be an Intervention Specialist in Marion, Ohio! Is this is a scary leap... Why yes! Way more scary than I thought it may be?
I thought my calling was to go else where... to travel... to go to a different country or at lest another state...
But, I have asked and told the Lord, WHEREVER you send me Lord! I will go!!!
So through much prayer, council and more prayer.... I haven been called to Marion, Ohio!!! I have had moments of doubt and wonder and questioning, why Lord, am I making the right choice? And the Lord reminds me, so gently, I have called you, my plans and ways are perfect! I have never failed you and I never will!! I love you my beloved, allow me to take you by the hand and lead.... you just follow!

So I must just grab on to my Heavenly Father's hand and follow! Through each struggle through doubt, through each uncertainty, knowing His plan and path is perfect!
He know every desire of my heart!! He knows, I want to teach internationally, I want to love the unlovable, I so desire so be a wife and a mother! But I continuously say Lord lead me!!! I say thank you Lord, for giving me a wonderful job as an intervention specialist, that I may gain experience, be mentored as a new teacher, and that I may grow as the teacher that He has called me to be!!!

I say thank you for today, for my first day as a summer beehive teacher, to 13 wonderful kingergarden boys and girls, 9 of which are boys and the kids are 4 and 5 yrs old!  I may have chased  one of my boy with autism down the hall 6 times... and  boy that boy can dart and run so so fast! Most of my plans worked.. others we had to readjust to make them work.. but in the end we all had fun and I think the kiddos learned something! But despite all the hard moments... I was sitting on the floor at the end of the day... playing a game with 8 of the boys and they were asking me questions and all snuggled in really tight.. and even though they were all sweaty... I had an ahh haa momet and was like oh man i love this so much and I couldn't imagine doing anything else!!! So I am so thankful!!!

Do I Go? or Do I Stay?

I awoke with the urge to check my email this morning, like I often do, so at 6am... barley awake, I read this email:
Hi Heather. I hope that you are doing well.  I'd love to hear what you're thinking and praying about...why? I'm sitting in a classroom right now observing a little girl with a significant learning disability.  She requires so much academic support that my staff isn't trained to provide. The staff loves her and does everything in their power to help but she isn't making progress.  I'd really like to have a teacher join us that can invest the time into these children on a daily basis.
Blessings,
Jeff (The principal from the school in Mauritius, Africa)
As soon as I finished reading this email, a burden so heavy was placed upon my heart!
This is my passion!
My Dream
My Calling

• I want to teach children with special needs
• I want to go, to do it in such an nontraditional way
• I have been given a tool box of skills and tools! I want to share!
• I have such a love and passion for the people of Africa!
• I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus
• I have such a heart and love to meet the needs of struggling students
• I believe that to seek to learn is to seek to serve and this right here is a prime example and opportunity to do as so as a kingdom builder of Jesus!

Wonder, doubt, uncertainty seeps in:

• This is a raise your own support job, who is going to support me?
• I have $59,000 in school loans... how will I pay these?
• Where and how would I make money?
• I would be far from home, what if something happens or someone needs me?
• Do I have enough experience or enough to offer?
• Should I pass up another job offer?

But even as I wonder or doubt, I am stopped in my tracks with the very word and truth of God:
"For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline."  2 Timothy 1:7
I have faith that my God can do a marvelous and wonderful work!
If this is what He has called me too, He will provide every cent, every need, He will be my strength, He will help me and provide the resources!

I am called to have faith, to TRUST! He has not failed me once!!!

So as I pray and consider these options, I more than anything want to be lead by the Lord! As I sit before the Lord, asking and praying for His leading and guiding! I can help but to say, Speak Lord your Servant is listening!
My prayer and Hearts desire remains: WHEREVER YOU SEND ME LORD USE ME!

TRUST

TRUST
That is a constant reminder in my life.... Trust.... Always something I must do... A present, past and future verb... It has always been a must and will continue to be as soo!
As I sit on the beach... I am reminded as each wave hits the shore... One right after another, it is a continuous and beautiful rhythm of life!

The rhythm of trust is a continuous process in life... That also can be beautiful if we allow The Lord to continuous lead us step by step!

I am made to wonder if I can sit on the beach taking in all the beauty of the wonderful creation of the day the: sun, waves, sand, rocks, sky.... Can I not also stop and take in the wonder of what it means to trust The Lord... Through each season of life! He has been the most amazing friend, confidant, provider, father, savior, comforter, redeemer and the list could go on and on!  But as I reflect on all that He has done... That had taken lost of trust... He has never failed me once! So as I head into a new season of my life... The search for the right job, the connection with friends and the heart to see my brothers saved... I choose to trust! Just as my God commands the flow of the waves, I want Him to command the waves of my life!

Dreams....

You know how there are things in life that only seem like they could be dreams?
Well I am here to tell you that dreams do come true!!
I have never been one to have a certain expectation to be at a certain point in my life by a certain age.. I just say... Hey God is in control and what comes... Comes :) But I defiantly have dreams... I have that list of wishes or maybe more like prayers!
I think everyone dreams of going to Disney Word, or having a big beautiful home, or even taking a fun exciting vacation!!

I even have a list of dreams that have or I am waiting to come true:
1. To live a life set a part for The Lord where others can see my Jesus in me and want a personal relationship with Jesus too :)
2. Teach in another country! Teach special education internationally! That is my dream job!!
3. Live with my best friend
4. Work with my friends as coworkers
5. Go on missions trips... Change the World with the love of Christ (I really want to go on a missions trip with Tish and serve a long side her!)
6. Live financially responsible and on a budget and become debt free
7. Take a long road trips and make lots of memories!
8. Travel
9. Marry an amazing man who is a spiritual warrior!!
10. Have a beautiful rainbow family by adopting!
11. Heal... I mean be completely healed from the relationships that have left me hurt and wounded... I just want to let go!
12 That I may remain close to the friends that the Lord places in my life
13. That I  may continually be led by the Lord and trust in Him!


Now these are dreams or hopes or aspirations, or whatever you would like to call them, they all have the heart to please and live for the Lord behind them,
But when I really get down to it............
Really, alls that I simply want or dream of is:
That I may live a life that Christ and His love are so strongly reflected in the Life Jesus has given me in Him, I want all whom I meet and encounter everyday.... to know Jesus.... if that be for the first time or simply a reminder, I do not want it to be anything that I do, but simply and all Jesus!
I want my brothers and Tish's sister and all my other family members to know Jesus...  that they may know the freedom of living free in Christ! That they may be set free from the bondage of sin and generational life styles and sins!
Now.... we know that dreams take work, just like if we want to go to Disney world, we have to save all our coins in a big jar for years or if we dream of a big house we have to work hard at our jobs and manage our money correctly.
Well just as our dreams of fun and pleasure take work, I also believe that our dreams of living a life set a part in Christ and desires of seeing our loved ones in relationship with Jesus... also takes work!!
I would say that is what Jesus is teaching me right now, that I must continually be at work and allowing Him to be at work in me as I read, study and memorize His world and as I pray and talk to Him about my loved ones who need Him! I must remain open to Jesus and His working!
So as I dream of oh so many things, my prayer and Heart remain that I may keep my eyes upon Him!

I Am Not Sure

I have to say there are just so many things that are unknowns....
The questions to what next?
The desire to still have the familiar close by!
I choose and desire above all to trust! To walk in obedience to the Lord and with the Lord I don't want to go wrong or do it wrong.....
And I know above all He will direct my paths.... but sometimes I just wish He could make it crystal clear.... like there could just be this big sign saying.... Do this Heather..... but it just is not that easy... but rather, I must trust and have faith.... it sure is scary!
So with relationships, future job decisions to teach internationally, locally or in Virginia....
I know the Lord will lead and direct... No matter how scary or weak we may feel... He is made strong in our weakness!!!!

It's the Little Things (The Details)

I would say that it is the little things in life that matter the most to me, and I would even say it is the little things in life that have the most significant impact in many realms: from spiritually, mentally and emotionally!
I love the little things of life so much, the:

• random texts or little notes that say "I love you"
• the laughter of friends
• the warmth of the sunshine after a long winter
• the sleepovers in the living room on a small mattress so we could all be together
• the reminder of a special bond of friendship or family memory when a certain song comes on the radio
• hugs
• dripping frosting all over the place when making tons of cupcakes knowing your making lifetime memories
• when my students color me pictures
• holding hands during prayer
• well cooked green beans
• extra cheesy pizza
• super chocolaty chip cookies
•  when my students get what I am working so hard at teaching them
• freshly washed sheets
• ...... and the list could go on!!!!

For I believe that the Lord is using the little things of this life to mold, shape and prepare us for the big picture... For as I once said... "The journey is at times so much more valuable than the end result" For we just want to get to the big picture, the end result from graduation to the "right job" to the next break or vacation... or even for Friday or the weekend... we often say if I can just make it till Friday and we push and we shove to get to that next step or the next point... that we miss and lose out.... man am I guilty of that....
I have to stop and ask my self, what would it look like to live in each moment so open to the Lord'd fine tuning and shaping... being so present in the moment we have been called to live...
This sure is hard... like really hard, we live in a fast pace world only looking forward to the next thing..... but whoa... lets slow down!!!!  For we do not belong to the fast pace world.... but we belong to Jesus, so as our potter, who is shaping us... working out all those little details, HE IS ABLE!
I know for me, the little things are the hardest for me to give to the Lord to control... like it seems like the big stuff is like okay... God I know you have this because its the only thing that makes sense... but the small stuff, like:

• How will I stay connected the way I want to with my close friends
• Why do I keep messing up
• How will I be able to pay for this or that
• What if that makes her mad at me or upset by saying this
• timing
• finances
• desires
• loneliness
• leading
• fear

I know that God is a God of details... He has created me the way that I am... to love the little things and to constantly surrender it all, including the little thing for our potter is working of the flaws the big and small once... I just must continue to trust and give it to him.

I am memorizing Psalm 34 and I believe very much soo a reminder of the Lord, not to live in s spirit of fear, but to SEEK HIM FOR ALL THE DETAILS!!!!

Has it Really Been a Year?

Loss....
according too Merriam Webster Dictionary, loss is describe as:  failure to keep or to continue to have something, the experience of having something taken from you or destroyed...

A year ago today... I experienced the loss of relationship... the loss of relationship that had forever changed my life... and in that moment it felt like one of the most devastating things one could experience.... it hurt more than any physical pain I had experience... and I would even venture to say... it was extremely emotionally painful!

So as  I sat across from this dear woman who had spent the last two years building into my life as my mentor and as my friend... someone who I had considered my spiritual mom.... the person... whom I do not think I went a day without texting in those two years... we were tight... I trusted her... I wanted her approval.. I sought it and wanted it.... but in the last few months of our relationship... things were a bit rocky... I would often walk away feeling empty, hurt, confused, frustrated.... just wanting so badly to get what she was telling me or sharing with me... I wanted to be closer to God... I wanted to be closer to her... I continued to want her approval.... I always wanted her in my life.... but on that night as we sat in the cafeteria... eating dinner... we talked and caught up on life.... but then I brought up something  that I was learning in my grief recovery study that I was a part of.... which I had not told her I was a part of... well from there it blow up pretty fast.... I probably apologized like 15 times... for I was truly sorry I had not told her... I had made the choice to not tell her soon enough... I had intentions of telling her... and that was my plan on that night to tell her as the Lord had laid it on my heart....
....... For so long after that.... for the next few months.... I carried that burden around.... that it was my fault.... if only I would have told her sooner... if only I were more truthful.... if only if only if only.....

So back to a year ago......
So after everything blew up.... she told me... I no longer want to be your mentor....
Well... I was left devastated... I still remember that night so perfectly: We left the cafeteria quietly... without saying a word.... At first... I was numb.... I didn't even know what had happened? Then it hit like a wall:, Pain, sadness, LOSS,  I had loss a relationship that I considered to be one of my closest relationships.....

For the next few months... it was hard.... we talked every so often... caught up with little snip bits here and there.... but it wasn't the same.... it was different.....

• I continued to blame myself.....
• I continued to live in the hurt of that moment....
• BUT then the Lord reminded me.... through His Word, Time with Him and conversations with my best friend.... I had to let go.... I had to let Him heal me!!!!

So friends, blog readers, whoever you are......
I am here to tell you!!!! WE SERVE A GOD THAT HEALS AND DELIVERS!!! We don't have to continue to live in bondage.... we don't have to keep going back to that moment or moments of hurt!!!

YES! I have experienced a LOSS....... AND YES it has CHANGED me.... BUT it does not define me!!!! 


This last year has been a healing process! The Lord has taken this last year to show and teach me so much in Him... Don't ever get me wrong... the Lord used those two years to shape and mold me under the Godly council of a woman who was led and in love with the Lord and for that I will be forever grateful for the tools and insight that I gained!
BUT..... By golly!!! I am so thankful for this last year... of it just being me and Him... coming to Him for everything!!! Just seeking Him... asking for His wisdom and insight!!! He has been so good!!! And my Jesus has not failed me once!!! But taught me so much!!!
Through this loss and this road of healing (which I am still on) I have learned so much... so much about the character of God, so much about myself, so much about life!!!
The Lord has used this part of my journey to shape and prepare me and continuously remind me that my HOPE and TRUST must be fully on and in Him!!!

This life is a journey and along our journey we will experience so much!!

• Loss
• Hurt
• Pain
• Sadness

But if we choose to and allow the Lord to... we can and will experience:

• Healing
• Growth
• Wholeness in the Lord
• Joy
• Peace

So please PLEASE!!  If you are reading this... don't feel sorry or sad or mad at anyone for me... but rather... I want you to see how there is HOPE!!! Hope for healing, Hope that only Jesus can give... come to Him!! Your loss... will always be there... things will bring up the memories... you will even feel sad at times because of it.... BUT please don't stay there!!!
We have a Savior... rest in Him... Let Him be the most important person and thing to you on this journey in life! Let Him HEAL you and Change you and keep letting Him do that... Don't stay stuck!!!
It's a process!!!!
ASK & SEEK Him! He won't disappoint... I promise!

Here is to a New Start on a New Journey

So it is April 1st...

• A new month
• The beginning of a new season!!!! Spring!!! I believe is finally here and hopefully here to stay!
• Although I have been on this new journey of post graduation now for 2 months.. I would still consider it new... as I still feel like it is an adjustment.... with living on my own or aka my best friend Tish, taking care of my own expenses but also consistently receiving a paycheck as an after-school teacher! 

So I believe it is fair to say: This is a new Season in my life!!! So many brand news, so many happy moments, trying moments, so much learning and growing!! But all due to an Amazing Heavenly Father that has been there every step of the way!!!

So I am here to reflect and share in this new Season of my journey with you all through blog!!!
So as I have been inspired through two very amazing women of the Lord.... both my sisters and friends... who too have shared their hearts and lives with me and their readers through blogger...

So thank you Tish and Dea... you precious ladies have inspired me!!!







So with all that said! I am here to blog and share my new journey for all who want to travel along with me!!!