Thursday, June 25, 2015

I Am Yours

I am yours! Yes that's right! That's the truth! I do belong to Christ!! I was going to name today's blog, "Tears" yes tears, because for a large portion of my long 3 hour drive home tonight.... That is what I did, I shed a lot of tears! Tears for a tough ending to a day, because no matter what I do in the teaching realm... It never quite feels good enough, although I thought things were going so much better this summer for summer school in comparison to the school year, so with a lot of organization in place & a plan I felt pretty good about & a smooth 2 weeks with the kids proving to be productive... And successful.... It still wasn't good enough, I was still picked a part and told to do things differently.... Wow! That broke my heart! It's tough having a classroom where you really don't have the opportunity to be the teacher & have the say so! Don't get me wrong, I totally love feedback & want to give the kids the best, but my heart longs to be a teacher.... To have a say so and be allowed to do what I have been trained to do, be allowed to be a teacher, so I am grieving for the loss of what feels like the loss of opportunity to be the teacher, I always dreamed to be! 
My heart & mind also thought a lot about my family, which brought on more tears... Tears for the Loss of Jesus in our home, I grieve for my family! That they do not want anything to do with Jesus, that a home that once had Jesus, has now shoved Him out the back door, oh my heart longs that they may know Jesus, that they would be able to live in His freedom & peace... I also thought, "I don't really know How to live in a home where Jesus isn't the center..... Do I even have a friend to ask what it's like, what do I do?" So many questions!
    So those tears where shed, questions where asked & thought about.... What felt so lonely at first in those moments,   But NO! Satan those are lies straight from the pit of Hell! I am so not alone! So together, my Savior, my Jesus, my very best friend... We cried together, we talked it through, we prayed it out & we worshipped!! 
Don't always understand what is going in, might not always agree with it or even love it.... But even despite the Circumstances and the external.... I have a Jesus that is my truth & security & we will continue to work through this together!!! 
I have faith & believe that in Gods way & timing  I will have a job that I love and my family will love Jesus & His truth! 

But no matter what, I will continue to proclaim:
 Here I am before You, falling in love and seeking Your truth
Knowing that Your perfect grace has brought me to this place
Because of You I freely live, my life to You, oh God, I give
So I stand before You, God
I lift my voice cause You set me free

So I shout out Your name, from the rooftops I proclaim
That I am Yours, I am Yours

All the good You've done for me, I lift up my hands for all to see
You're the only one who brings me to my knees
To share this love across the earth, the beauty of Your holy worth
So I kneel before You, God
I lift my hands cause You set me free

So I shout out Your name, from the rooftops I proclaim
That I am Yours, I am Yours
All that I am, I place into Your loving hands
And I am Yours, I am Yours

Here I am, I stand, with arms wide open
To the One, the Son, the Everlasting God

Friday, June 5, 2015

How Can This Be?

How can this be? I have completed my first full year of teaching?!?
I would say yes! It was a miracle! Nothing short of Gods miraculous hands a part of each detail and day! Nothing short of a dependent heart, soul, mind & body upon my Savior! It was a tough year! The kids were a tough audience for sure, their behaviors very tough at times to manage... With the biting, hitting, kicking & swearing... It proved to be a challenging and scaring year both figuratively & literally, I have the battle wounds to prove it, just ask! So yes the kids were tough, but at times the staff was harder.... But honestly our last month of school was the best, God eliminated the "problem staff" member & there was peace like never before... Despite being way understaffed, everyone worked so hard, and like champions, we finished off the school year strong!!
So like I said, super tough school year!  But I am so thankful for your honestly and truth from way back in October! When you told me it would be a tough school year, but you told me... You would be right there! And that my Savior was! So yes I felt so defeated at times, but so thankfully I can say I never did give up, because Christ was my strength and shield! So all glory and thanks to Him I made it through my first fully year of teaching and have that under my belt! I learned so much and grew so much! 
So as the year came to a close... There also came the opportunity to sign for a second heat as the Intervention Specialist for the Marion Step by Step classroom! I so desperately wanted to say no! But as I sought The Lord, he made it so clear that I was to stay! I may not understand or completely see why! But I am so thankful He knows why? We shall see? It may be to share Jesus with one of my coworkers Jenn who is becoming one of my friends and seeking truth, it may be simpley be to continue to love the unlovable! It may be to grow even more as a newer teacher! It may be all of the above! But whatever it is! I still say wherever you send me Lord use me!! For this is the cry of my heart! Never let me forget!

Also use me in the moments when you have me at home with my family, even through the pain and bitterness and ungodliness that is so present you could cut it with a knife! I know I have been called to intercede on behalf of my family! So that is what I shall do! For I love my family! So there is nothing I want more than to see my dad set free from the bondage of anger, bitterness, expectation, money & greed, for my mom to just be happy and not worried and for my brothers to know Jesus and His truth and oh for my parents marraige to be restored and healed! I know that I serve a God that is able so once again I choose to step out in faith and believe it to be so! He is able!

I am so thankful for:
   *a love for my Savior
   *a best friend who loves her savior more than anything else, for all her prayers, love & support
   * a teaching job
   * health 
   * room to grow
   *freedom to worship
   * a great safe car
   * memories (big & small) oh and pictures to remind me of the memories :)
   * a love for reading 
   * healing 
   * opportunities to share Jesus
   * opportunist to trust & grow my faith
   * that I will have the opportunity to go to Mexico soon!
   * summer 

Thanks you Jesus for so much!