This Year in ONE Word..... And Next Year in ONE Word

When asked today how I would explain the year 2018 in one word, I thought long and hard about it! I came up with: PEACE

This is why:

Although 2018 was not always peaceful, I continually found God's peace in so many ways, and when I asked the Lord for it, He always gave it, I just had to choose to accept it, even if it was not in the way that I expected it to come!

In 2018 the Lord gave me a great love for prayer, prayer over the ones that I love the most prayer in my car as I drove! Prayer in my conversations with Jesus! Prayer again and again was my place of peace even when I did not understand what was going on around me, when I choose to step into prayer the Lord covered me with His peace and it was simply His perfect Peace!

I fond Peace in my friendships:

 

Truly as  Friends and Sisters, year number 7 was our best year of friendship! A year of friendship filled with Peace, because it was so focused on Jesus! And we truly had the most fun this year, packed full of adventures that somehow always involved COFFEE! So this year of our friendship can be summed up in these three words and in this order: JESUS, PEACE and COFFEE!! 

A great representation of such a sweet and peaceful friendship, it truly has been such a blessed year of baby showers, Baby Hudson and getting be Auntie to such a sweet sweet boy who is the affinity of Peace, He truly has given me such an appreciation of joy! Thankful that I not only get to love Emily and all our 16 years of friendship but now her little as well!! 

  

Oh Sweet Hannah, now I will say this, without a shadow of a doubt, Hannah has always been my friend of Peace, we have hands down been so blessed with a peaceful friendship over the years, we both are very passive and she truly has just gotten it so easily when I have struggled with confrontation! She really blessed me this year when she celebrated with me when I handled some situations that dealt with conflict! She also has blessed me in letting me be Auntie to both of her sweet boys, who by the way are going to be agents of peace because they have the coolest and most laid back mom and dad ;)

And this gal, we reconnected about a year ago, so this year of healing and reconnecting to our normal selves is a perfect representation of God's peace and restoration! We in the last year have had a lot of fun, going new places, finding TV shows we love and somehow binge watched 14 straight seasons in the matter of months!!! We think a lot a like and both overall just want peace!!! Dea thanks for wanting peace!! 

I found Peace in my job, it truly has been Peaceful having one of the best sets of kiddos I have ever had, they are little bundles of joy all wrapped up in wonderful! I truly have so much peace in my little classroom among my students! I so wish I could post pictures of each of their beautiful smiling faces, but here I will paint a picture:  Giggles, Excitement when they connect that they know what sound ch makes, stories about their night playing cards with their family, knowing they are special and wonderful and they tell me why!!! 

Not tell me, who would not love this?

Cool story here, that the Lord is listening to even the little details of our prayers:

I specifically was praying peace over my family and our home, because we were really needing it this particular week! So I am praying and within that week my parents decided to bring a new puppy into our home, well he was nameless so we all threw around names, names that would sound good with our dog on the right named Marathon, well the name I threw out was Milo...  little did I know at the time... but Milo means peace!! Well from day one, I truly can tell you that this puppy brought peace into our home and a few days later Milo stuck and so now a physically reminder of Peace dwells in our house daily, How cool is that???

What is my word for 2019 you ask!

I would day dream!! I choose to step into this year with Goals to work on stepping out in FAITH to dream, the very dreams that the Lord has placed upon my heart, to teach internationally! To take Special Education to places that to not yet have the opportunity to work with students and children that do not have opportunities, the kiddos that no one else wants, those are the ones that I want the ones that I want to love! 

SO in full pursuit in pursuing what the Lord would have next for me, I give myself permission to dream!!! 

Still Here

Have you ever been in a season of life and felt like you have been in that season for what feels like forever?
Well that has been me without a doubt, feeling stuck and unable to dream, stuck in the same old pattern! Don’t get me wrong I have seen the Lord move and work, perform miracles like only He can! I have taken on new roles as Auntie to 3 precious boys, I have been a prayer warrior for my family, I have seen the Lord heal my mom in her physical as He gave me the word restoration to be praying over her (He answers prayers in ways we don’t even realize need answered, I always thought the prayer of restoration for her was Always going to be in finances and emotionally) I am sure glad the Lord knows best!! And I am still believing that to be true that he will heal her emotionally and financially! For my brother I have been praying that the Lord would bring his to a freedom, a freedom to know the truth of God and all that God would have for him! He just shared the other day that others keep coming up to him and sharing Jesus with Him!! Ummm Hello... Sister praying over here!! I know that the Lord is hearing my prayers that He is answering them and working in ways that only He can! Thank you Jesus!
But in the still here I am still single, still living at home and I am ready for so much more.... But even as I started this blog on December 15th, so 15 days or so ago, I am even in a different place and perspective now, as I was sitting in Church today and the reminder was how are you ending 2018? Are you ending well, have you accomplished all that you have set out to do?
My first response IS NO! Hello still single, still stuck, still not SURE?? But I do see how that Lord has continually called me back to himself, has continually allowed me to be sensitive to His voice! Thank you Jesus!
BUT! As I sat in Church the Lord asked me, are you preparing for your future to rise up a generation that is going to be a game changer, a generation that will be sold out for me!!! How are you doing that? Are you preparing? Do you know my Word?
Okay Lord I am listening! I am committing to  spending time in your Word, so this season is about to be full of your Word! I want to be at my best for whatever my future holds! No more once a week time in the Word, Lord with your help, I want to make it daily!! Its a big commitment, I am scared to make it, but I know it will be so worth it!!
All my seasons belong to you Jesus!

Why

I will say I do not understand right now, today has proven to be a very frustrating, lonely and difficult day. Sickness wide spread across school and in my house. Heart burn that just won't go away, the reality and realization that I am the only person out of all my friends to still live at home under my parents roof with no prospects of other options.... my parents are looking at other options for houses right now, although I will look forward to having an actual real door and a window, but the idea of being confined to a small room size space with no ability of having any other furniture beside a bed is not a fun thought!
Also, I am feeling festered, angry and defeated I choose not to sit in it but rather give it all over to the Lord and say thank you Jesus for:
A healthy family
The Best of friends
A job teaching
An amazing bed
Somewhere safe to stay
A dog
Realization that I am allergic to gluten and no longer have to get sick every time that I eat.
A heavenly Father that Loves me!
Gods Peace
Gods grace
Gods perfect plan over my life!

THANK YOU Jesus for all that you have done even when I do see the big picture or what you are doing right in front of me!                   

Can it be? One year already?

Wow! It's really been a year! It has been 1 year since I interviewed at Noble Academy- Cleveland! I never expected to still be where I am at today! It sure has been one heck of a year! A year of great joys, of intense sorrows, of crazy excitement, of heartbreak and loss! I have grown! I have grown to know Jesus with greater intimacy! I have learned more about myself and who I am because of the Jesus in me, because of the genetics within me as I have spent time with my Aunts getting to know them more from here in my hometown (Auntie Carole & Auntie Sharon ) all the way to California (Aunt Theresa)! 

I thought I was interviewing for a job that would keep me here for a few months as a sub, until I left to teach in a different country. That was my plan and I surely thought that was God's as well! Just as the Word says  “To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:”

Ecclesiastes 3:1 and that there is! Although I was so sure I knew what God had in mind, I am so glad He has our best interest in mind! 

I think even though I wanted to leave, I wanted to go to a different country, God had a reason, a purpose for me to be right here in Ohio! And as I see and reflect today I can see it is more than even just one reason, it has been many that He has planted me right here for such a time as this!

And I can't even believe I am saying this, but I am okay with that!! I am thankful! I am at peace, I am Glad that I have been able to be here with family, with friends with my very students & staff! 

So has this year has proven to be exceptionally difficult: unexpectedly losing my precious grandma, having to take a step backwards as it feels and live with my parents, unexpectedly losing my uncle and many ups & downs in between! 

But despite the hard there have been so many praises and joys of staying back in Ohio from getting to visit with my Grandma every week from September to January and for that I will be forever thankful, as we had such precious moments of holding hands, chatting, rubbing her feet, talking about how Alex Tervec was my great grandma's crush to having the opportunity of thanking her for showing exactly what Martin Luther King Jr was taking about! To getting to be a teacher at Noble Academy and having some of the most precious students that I absolutely love, to watching friendships grow as I was given amazing support through some tough days, I saw the importance of family and the healing that can take place when you can just be together! 

Exactly one year ago, when I interviewed on September 12th, I had no clue that this year would look the way it did, but I would not trade it for anything, not even Africa! This past weekend I was challenged and reminded of three very important things: 1. As I sang along to a very familiar song that I love so much.... "Jesus at the center of it all

Jesus at the center of it all

From beginning to the end

It will always be, it's always been You

Jesus, Jesus

Nothing else matters

Nothing in this world will do

'Cause Jesus You're the center

Everything revolves around You

Jesus You

At the center of it all

At the center of it all

Jesus be the center of my life

Jesus be the center of my life

From beginning to the end

It will always be, it's always been You

Jesus, Jesus

Nothing else matters

Nothing in this world will do

'Cause Jesus You're the center

Everything revolves around You

Jesus You!" I was challenged by the Holy Spirit asking me if I was making Jesus the center of my all? Of my life! I am so thankful He reminded me to get my focus back in order!! 

2. Gods timing is perfect, as I have gotten to journey with my precious sister for the last year through ups and downs, passes and fails.... I was able to witness first hard the result of intense faith, blessing after blessing poured out, I saw dreams come true, I saw a very thankful and peaceful friend reflecting Christ through the whole part of this part of her journey... even through the waiting.... and I was so blessed and encouraged to do the same! Thanks Tish for being an example and one of my biggest cheerleaders!! 

3. Finally in a church I was visiting with Tish in Wooster on Sunday.... I again was singing along to another familiar song Oceans and the part the Lord really used to speak to me: "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior!" I for so long had my own definition of what taking me deeper meant... but I never put it into perspective of right here right now where I am at!!! 

So that is my prayer and hearts cry as I end this post is that the Lord would take me even deeper right here right now, right where I am at that it would make my FAITH STRONGER!

Loss

Loss, according to dictionary.com : the state of being deprived of or of being without something that one has had. Oh how I hate those words! These past two weeks have seemed to ring those very words again and again as first it was the loss of one dear ladies mom and then my roomie lost her last grandparent and then another dear lady who is so dear to me it was her dad and then just a few days after that, it was the loss of one of the dear gals I went to college with who loss her precious young brother. My prayers, thoughts, and heart went out again and again for all these precious ladies and friends, I have spent the past two weeks praying again and again for these dear families, because I have had the honor of knowing all these dear ladies it felt so close to home, not something distant and unfamiliar, so I prayed and prayed! And then boom it hit so close once again for a 2nd time this year on the same side of the family, (my grandma in January) now my uncle on Friday suddenly passed away. I am left with questions, sadness, pain... I keep asking why? Why should my dear aunts have to lose another brother, why should my young 26 and 30 year old cousin have to lose a dad so young? Why does it all have to happen at the same time? 

All my questions might not have answers. It's okay to hurt, it's okay to ask why, it's okay to wonder! 

But what I do know is: we live in a very broken World, that is full of hate and pain, no one is safe from death or the pain from it. We are human, we hurt, but I also know, we have HOPE! Guys we need hope!!  “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10 The Lord has us, He is our hope and our promise, He is our peace! I know our hearts hurt and we don't fully understand, but please know we do not journey alone, when we have a relationship with Jesus, there is life and hope beyond this life on earth, this is not the end! So when we have Jesus we have a hope and peace that goes with us, even though our darkest times!! 

Dear Future Husband

Dear my future Husband,
I am praying for you even now, I know God is preparing my heart and yous as well! Oh how my heart longs to meet you and know you! To be a wife and a mother!! I can not promise to be perfect or have it all together, but I can promise to love and serve JESUS everyday, to be made new by Him! I will committee to learning and growing day by day! oh how i pray the LORD calls us to ministry... maybe overseas! I know His plans are perfect! I look forward to the day, I will finally get tomcat you! until then as I wait, I will commit to growing and being refined in the LORD! I will pray GOD is growing you into a GODLY leader, warrior and lover of GOD and His Word!

He Knows Best!

I am  so glad and so thankful that God knows us best of all! He knows exactly what we needed and where we need to be!
To think just 6 short months ago I was completely lost as to where I was suppose to be teaching, I was up to where the Lord would put me, but at the same time I was almost sure that it was Africa!
Well... Thank goodness the Lord leads, because on September 12th and 13th I interviewed for two subbing jobs back to back and on both of those days I had the amazing privilege to visit with my precious grandma because my interviews were right around the corner from where she was staying! Amongst enjoying frostys, the sunsine and the upclose and personal squirrels in the court yard, the Lord laid it on my heart to ask my grammy gram, if she knew Jesus and in her precious voice, she said she wasn't sure, I asked her if she would like to ask Jesus into her heart and she said yes!!! So together we prayed and asked Jesus and that day she give her life to Jesus!
Then the next few days proved to be busy but oh so perfect as I helped Emily put the finishing touches on her wedding and I got to truly enjoy the week with her and then see her marry the man of her dreams as her maid of honor and celebrate her truly beautiful wedding, then after a busy wedding weekend, I got a call Tuesday that I had gotten the long term sub job in a 1st grade classroom at Noble Academy, I was ecstatic!! It was perfect..... I started the following day on Wednesday September 21st.... All that I could think was it was perfect... I could sub until Christmas break and then leave to go to Africa! Well three weeks into subbing in the 1st grade classroom, I got pulled into the vice principal's office, being told the elementary special ed teacher was leaving and that since I was licensed they would need me to sub in her spot for as long as I could or until they found a new teacher to replace her...... I was a little thrown off by it!!! But I went with it... in the middle of figuring out the new special education job, On October 11th I got an email from Africa, stating that I had not gotten the job. For the first few days after receiving the email, I was a bit sad, confused and even bitter. But I also knew deep down inside God had a bigger and better plan! And boy did did he! I let Noble Academy know, I would love to be their full time Special Education Teacher!
The last 5 months of teaching at Noble Academy have been amazing, as I work with an amazing staff who are kind, fun, energetic, passionate, giving and so helpful! Especially my two special ed teacher buddies who have helped me so much as we have worked great together as a team! I have made a great work friend as we were the newbies together, thanks Ashley for being my friend and I am so glad you stayed! And last but not lest I worked for an amazing boss who loves the Lord and is incredibly kind and helpful and I know I can always go to her with any question and feel completely supported! Yes it is school and yes there have been bumps in the road and yes it was a huge pay cut, but it truly has been one of the biggest blessings and opportunities I am learning so much, growing as a teacher, I love my kids and my job!

Aside from a job that has been a blessing, I have gotten to do life with my 3 dearest friends!
I have gotten to be spend 2 weekends a month with my dear sister and friend journeying through lifes ups and downs as we learn about and pursue the Lord more and more, being able to live and do life with such a dear friend is a complete honor and joy!! I love that I get to worship Jesus with you, thank you for being there with a hug and prayers when I find out bad news, thank you for all your listening ears and thank you for loving me so much!! I love you so much Tish!!
Getting to be Auntie to dear Easton and go on monthly... sometimes weekly shopping trips with his mommy Hannah has been such an amazing honor, so fun! I love our talks and just doing life with you Han, I love you girl!
Oh Emily, Wedding shananigans, your first home, your first pet, our amazing sushi dates, you just letting me come over just because I needed to be with you, I needed you to distract me because my heart was hurting.... you always said, just come over! Or the time you brought your kitty to see my grammy gram or that one thing that happened this summer and you acted like it was no big deal! Em I love doing life with you sweet friend, I love lady you lady!!

But the cherry on top of the scoops of friendships and the job that is a blessing are the weekly visits that I got to have with my grammy gram because she was only 3 minutes from the school that I am teaching at! I loved all my visits with her over the last 5 months if it be just holding her hand, asking her questions, telling her about my day or students, she always told me how beautiful either I or my smile was! I loved my time with her over the last 27 years, an amazing privilege indeed!
Our conversations included leading her to Jesus, prayer, getting to ask her where she learned how to be so culturally diverse and excepting and loving of all people, getting to thank her for her example that I have learned from, her telling me Alex Tervec was great grandmas boyfriend because she liked him so much, how much she loved her family, stories about her dogs, how wonderful the squirrels were, wheel chair rides around the garden and so much more!! I am going to miss my precious grammy gram so much, but I am so glad that the Lord allowed me to be here for such a time as this! There is no place I would rather be than right here! I got to speak at my grandmas funeral last week:
"My Tribute to Grandma Beverly Sapatka" 1-25-2017
Grandma left such an impact on so many lives and so many memories, one of my favorites was our bumming adventures, which was us simply riding around in her car telling stories and laughing on our way to shop or eat. I could share stories and memories for days. But I will say one of the greatest and most valuable lessons I have learned from grandma is the ability to love and give freely of yourself without expecting anything in return, A true servant indeed and a model of Mark 12:31 "Love your neighbor as yourself" My grandma was one of the strongest woman I know, from winning her battle with cancer to loving and forgiving again and again despite the pain it caused her, no matter what she faced, she went on loving! She loved diversity, and appreciated people from every culture and race, and amongst many things I know that is where I get my love of all people from, as I had the privilege for the last 27 years to watch and listen as grandma talked highly of every person and treated everyone with great respect and love! For the many examples and legacy of love she has left, I will be forever grateful! Her legacy will live on in her 4 children and 7 grandchildren.
2 Things I know Grandma would want you to know:
1. "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. - John 3:16 Because of her relationship with Jesus, she is dancing with Jesus right now!
2. She would want us to forgive and love everyone! No matter what! Lets make her proud!!

So like I said!! I am so glad He knows best!!!


“even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:10‬

So even as I sit here writing this and my mom is in the hospital staying overnight and the doctors are not sure what is wrong with her and as we wait for test results! I know the Lord has me right where he wants me! He has my family right where He wants them, He is softening hearts and breaks down walls!I choose to trust Him no matter what! I know He is in control and has our best in mind!