How?

Do you ever just have to sit and ask How?

How did the Lord bring me to where I am at now?

How is it that my Savior is so patient with me?

How can God be working amongst my situation? 

How come we have to loose people in our lives, both physically thru death or just the end of a relationship?

How come hate exist in our world?

How come people choose not to forgive?

How come people choose to walk away from God?

How come we have to hurt?

How can God take the crummiest situations and turn them to the very best?

How will what I am doing, studying, thinking about, reflecting on now effect my future?

The list of Hows could go on  and on!!!!

 

But the one thing I do know and the best way I know how to answer many of these HOWS.... is this: 

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.  If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?  Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. " 1 John 3:16-18

God is teaching me so much incredibly about His love and grace in so many realms... it is amazing!!! Although visiting home during Thanksgiving break and Christmas break at times with family.... Gods love transended the hate... the discord... the enemy's work and with the Love Christ has given me for my family... the Lord showed me the importance of interceding for my family! To cry out on their behalf for their salvation, for healing and so much more!!!And that is what I did in the space of my home and now even being 4 hours away that is still what I am doing and thru it... Christ is teaching me a little more about love each day!!!!

I also am learning so much about in my classroom as well!!!Just a few days ago I had a Jesus moment... one of my students who has tramatic brain damage... just retured from Christmas from having hand foot and moth disease... therefore a lot of the sores on his hands were still healing... and when this student eats... he gets food everywhere.... therefore he needs to be wipped off when he is finished... and on this particular day... I was helping him with lunch, and as I was wiping the food off his hands with his healing sores, this unconditional love came over me and it was as if I was wiping the hands of Jesus, It was like Jesus was sitting right next to me and his love filled me!!!

I have also had some some very hard days with students where it was hard to love, but Jesus is teaching me a little more each day and that love is growing more and more as I love them with Christ love!!!! 

And I have to say at times, my staff is the hardest part of the job, there is a lot of conflict and tension in our room but more than anything, I want to love the 7 wonderful ladies the Lord has placed in my classroom that I get to work with.... I know each of them have their own thing that burden their heart, so with the heart and love of Christ I want to press on and love them as much as I can with Christ strength and be His beccon of light that I may so be used by Him!!

As I have had so many opportunities to love, I have also been so love on, more than I could ever ask or imagine! It is beautiful it is wonderful it is the care of the Savior!!!

I am so loved through:

The HUGS  of friends

The kindness of Melody and Amber allowing me to be apart of their family and sharing their come with me!

The time Tish, Melody, Emily and Hannah have spent with me.... just being girls being us!!!

Bible Study of Acts with Tish

Dance practice with Melody and all her patience and help

Getting to journey with Tish that she would allow me to journey so close with her, that she would share her heart and freely let me share mine!

A wonderful Church family that I am getting to know more and more all the time!!!

And most of all a Savior whose love, forgiveness, faithfulness, grace is more than I could ever ask for!!!

So yes I have so many HOWS but Christ covers it all for His plan!!!!

So HOW will I live for Christ and demonstrate HIS LOVE to others today?

Reflections of 2014

2014 described in one word: newfangled... Yes this is a real word! It is defined in the dictionary as: different from what one is use to; objectively new! And full of brand news it was!! January was about the only month that was the same as before :) as I took my last J-Term as a college student... But I also knew I needed a job! I needed somewhere to live and stay! So January ended and February popped right up! And as God sooo faithfully and perfectly does provided a wonderful job as an after school teacher in a new program in Mount Gilead!   So from February to May I had the wonderful opportunity to be a first grade teacher to the sweetest 13 1st grade boys & girls, as their reading and math skills grew and we decorated our classroom with the theme of Rupunzel we had a blast together and I grew as a beginning teacher... It was wonderful and my heart was so in love and content with where The Lord had placed me! Also from February to May I lived with my best friend  which proved to be one of the best and toughest experiences of my life! But I wouldn't trade it for the world! It is every girls dream to live with their best friend! And I truly can say I am beyond thankful for all the memories we created together, that will forever be a treasure in my heart! From our nightly prayer time, to her epic redemption in skipbo to take back the thrown of skipbo champion, to all the dinners we made or frosted flakes me ate, to the cupcakes I spilled on her feet, to all the movies we watched or should I say all the movies we looked for... For hours, to learning How to fish tail braid, to having our own family of mice that wanted to share our living space and food as well, to all the conversations we had and shared as we grew in The Lord as sisters, as kindred spirits as best friends with very different personalities.... Because of it I learned better How to communicate then ever before,  to receiving a wonderful spiritual gift! Oh the list could go on!!!we got to live in our very first apartment, thanks to the blessing of one of our previous bosses to the way others blessed us with useful gifts for our home!! We learned a lot and I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to live with Tish, living on our own.. I def had to grow up a lot and that I did! In those months we also saw The Lord provide for so many finical needs.. All in His timing and way and God blessed us with wonderful summer jobs!! So for the last 2 weeks of June and the month of July our after school program turned into a summer program... That was the most amazing and fun teaching job a girl could ask for! We got to spend Monday thru Thursday with the kiddos, from 9 to 3 learning a lot but lots of hands on outdoor learning opportunities as well complete with all day long Wednesday field trips and to top it all off my 13 kiddos were tiny weenies just 4&5 and as precious as can be! I don't think I have ever enjoyed a summer job more... It was spiracular! Also flash back to may... I had a job interview for a job in Mount Gilead... As an intervention specialist for the 2014/2015 school year! Interview went well! Now flash forward to a week later... Monday June 2nd I get an email from a school in Mauritius Africa... Telling me I have the job as their intervention special if I would like to take it.... Oh my goodness I am over the moon... This is my dream job... The job and place I would love to be!!! The. The very next day I get a call from the the Job I interviewed for the week prior for the intervention specialist in mount Gilead, except it is in Marion... Thinking oh it can't be that far away from mount Gilead... So there I was left with the choice of two very different jobs in two very different places.... Africa or Marion! How was it that I was to decide... Between to stay or too go? I thought... Wouldn't it be so much easier if one place told me no and the other place told me yes? But you know what?? Looking back at it now... I am so thankful and glad that I did have to decide... Because it caused me to seek the voice and direction of The Lord! It caused me to slow down & to really seek  His direction!! For I wanted nothing more than to walk in obedience... And so... After much prayer and council from a very special lady in my life... God made it clear that I was to stay for such a time as this! That I had some more growing and learning to do as a teacher... So August began a whole new venture and season of Life!! I got plugged into a brand new Church that I Love and that I am growing and being challenged in my walk and I Look forward to continually growing in!! God provided the most wonderful place to live... After a summer of turmoil and the worry and wonder of where it was that I was to live... What the enemy meant for harm... The Lord so perfectly orchestrated a home of peace that was so close to school where I would be teaching and some new wonderful friends that would love me with the Love of Christ and allow me to be a part of their family! So began my first month as a first year full time teacher! It was tough... I remember asking God at the very beginning of August..."Why did you ask me to stay?" And He so perfectly and clearly said as the beautiful sun was setting, "Just Wait" so that is what I am doing... Through all the hard and wonderful moments of teaching 9 kiddos with Autism and working with a staff of 7 others adults... It's hard often! But through the growing and stretching of being a 1st year teacher, I am learning daily How to depend on The Lord! How to pray for each of my 9 kiddos and 7 staff members... This is sure different than what I thought I would be doing... But from August to December thus far... It's been full of brand news! The kids are growing in their academics and improving in their behavior... May be slow at times... But every bit forward is a milestone and celebration!! I have learned patience and grace in a whole new light!! We have had wonderful class parties, my very first  picture day as a teacher and my very first teacher badge, have written my first IEP and held my first IEP meeting and first set of patent teacher conferences! So many firsts... But also right alongside a wonderful support system that is above and have been such a wonderful help! I have also had the amazing privilege amongst all the brand news of these past few months to have a familiar and constant, as Tish is only an hour away at college giving us the opportunity to share many of our weekends together between August and December.. So precious treasured moments, moments of journeying together and watching one another grow in our faith leaps and bounds, encouraging and loving on one another, praying and interceding for one another as prayer warriors and sisters in the faith!!
  I also have had the Wonderful opportunity of making a new friend! Melody... Who has allowed now to move in with her and her wonderful mom Amber! Melody has shared her entire upstairs with me! Has made me feel so welcomed and loved!! I treasure our Wednesday night drives to and from Church and our to and from to Bible study trips on Thursdays! I love that we get to share life! It's like having a sister... I love it & I am so thankful!! It is such a blessing to have a friend that loves Jesus sooo much that she radiates Christ and wants His best for those around her! I love that we can talk about life and boys and about all that Christ is doing in our lives, and pray with and for each other!

This year has been amazing ! A year of growth! Lots of brand news!! But a God who is ever so faithful and constant! I am so thankful for such an amazing Savior that has a perfect plan for our lives!!  

Always on Time!

Let me just begin by saying Gods timing is absolutely perfect! 

Today I had my very first day as a teacher in my very own classroom! I had 10 amazing students, so very precious and special in their own way!! It was quite fun being Miss S, knowing that the Lord gave me His strength and grace to work hard through 4 1/2 years of college to be the teacher He has called me to be, even just to rewind to about 3 years ago when my simple prayer was, Lord give me the opportunity to love the unlovable, no matter where it may be!!!  

If I can be honest though, I did not think it would be Ohio or even the US, but you know what?

I am so thankful the Lord but we right where He deemed best, because yes it is hard, challenging, and different, but I have some amazing support and I could not imagine being anywhere else but within the will of God, so because I am in His perfect plan, I could not be happier or more content! 

Through this whole process, Jesus has taught me so much, HE has shown me how to trust in a DEEPER and WIDER way, How to see that all that He is taking me through is a process, a process that I had to fully depend on Him!!!

Just to think.... a little over 3 weeks ago, I wept in the middle of the living room floor, for I did not know where I would live!! 

But today on August 18th I am here to tell you, the Lord had the best place for me to live, a place of peace, fellowship, a place where the spirit of God lives, a Home, all thanks to the body of Christ!!! A home only 20 mins from my school!

God answered so many of my prayers in His perfect timing and way!

So what the enemy meant for Evil or Harm, God meant for His good!! 

With one day down I am so excited for this school year, my prayer and heart is that the Lord would use me for His glory to love each and every student with His grace and love and to show the love of Christ to my staff that they too would want to know Jesus!

Take this life and year ahead Jesus and use it for your Glory, for it all belongs to you!!!

Reminders

This post came from, my blog a year ago right around this time, when I was preparing for Thailand and needed $3,000 to go, which God provided every penny for, but here it is:  "As the Lord continues to ask me to trust Him, He sends little reminders my way to encourage my heart... such as the words from this devotional I came across today:"I want you to be all Mine. I am weaning you from other dependencies. Your security rests in Me alone--and not in other people, not in circumstances. Depending only on Me may feel like walking on a tightrope, but there is a safety net underneath: the everlasting arms. So don't be afraid of falling. Instead, look ahead to Me. I am always before you, beckoning you on--one step at a time. Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, can separate you from My loving presence." Wow! What a reminder and challenge as I continue to embark on this journey leaning completely on the Lord!"

This was a year ago, but I believe that I needed this REMINDER more now than I did a year ago, don't get me wrong, I needed it then too!!!

But lets just pause for a moment,

Ok,

So our God is so good and orchestrates our life and every detail so much, that He knew on July 14th, I would need this reminder! As I prepare for a new journey, a brand new step in life as a first year teacher as a special ed teacher and not a clue as to where or who I will live with! I am terrified, honestly scared out of my whits!!! 

But I am taken back to the truth of the Lord that we must have faith, He is going to carry me and provided for every need as I take it moment by moment!

Its ok to be scared! But I am called to trust, to trust fully and completely! 

He is ABLE I am confident!!! I am thankful!

Satan has no way, I will not give him room or time to influence!!!

I am victorious in Christ! I will not allow fear to overtake or hinder what God is doing or what He is about to do!!

This is my Praise song right NOW!!!!

Hallelujah! 

You have won the victory.

Hallelujah! 

You have won it all for me.

Death could not hold you down

You are the risen king

Seated in Majesty

You are the risen king

 I am so thankful!!! He has indeed won the victory and He is my King!!!!

Our Mess is Our Greatest Message

Our Mess is Our Greatest Message, hmmm... What does that mean? And why does that resonate with me soo much?
Well honestly! I feel such a mess sometimes.... I feel discouraged and wonder... How can God use someone like me, who struggles with so much!! With the FEARS of being alone, the unknown, of messing up, not getting it! Someone who can be very dependent on others at times, one who just feels soooo broken at times!!!! 
Doubt run through my head so much of the time... How am I gonna do this, have I made the right choice? 

Soooooo,
After a harder day or more like few days... I was sooo encouraged and challenged by a podcast I heard from Priscilla Shrier, that Reminded me that  I need to clean my nets... I need to just stop for a few moments,
Refocus, get my bearings, refresh!!!
I also am So thankful for those who The Lord has placed in my life to help me clean my nets!! We have not been called to live this life alone, but he has given me sisters in the faith that love him soo sooo much!! And boy, I just get goose bumps that the Lord would give me a kinder spirit that loves Jesus as much as I do and wants nothing in this life more than to please and completely live her life for Jesus!!! 
I was reminded that my Jesus sees every detail of my life...  Not one tear goes unnoticed!!! And He wants to invade each and every part of our lives!! Our mess can be our greatest Message for Jesus! 
So sometimes when I feel such a mess and doubtful!!! 
I am so thankful to have the examples and stories in the Bible of those who also were a mess!!! Those who decided to dive into the deep waters when it made no sense!!!But you know what else??? There is not 1 story, not even 3 or 4 but sooo many accounts!!
Where soo many had to step out in faith to the crazy call of trust to say Yes when it made no sense!!
Noah  built an ark when there was no rain!
Moses stretching his rod out over a body of water
Sara shopping For maternity clothes at a super old age! 
Ester going in against protocol to go in and speak to the King!
Wise men, following a big star
Peter stepped out on water 
Teen Mary getting prego, saying an angel did it!
Jesus hanging on a cross!
Soooo these people did crazy things  and said yes even when It didn't make sense!
But you know what?
It did rain!
The Red Sea did part!
Sara did give birth!
Easter did save her people out of great harm!
The wise men did find baby Jesus!
Peter walked on water!
Mary gave birth to the Messiah!
Jesus died and rose again and saved the World!
God asks us to dive into the deep water... Where we can't touch... He wants us to have the courage to say Yes!!! Even when it does not make sense!!!
So I like these Bible Heroes I am a mess, what God asks me to do sometimes does not make sense! It is scary! But I am not the First! And I will not be the last!!! But Just as He used their mess for His divine purpose and Message! He can use mine too!! 

I have been given:
A promise! 
I am in the process! And have seen Gods faithfulness time and time again!! 
I have been given examples!
I have others to journey with!! 
But most of all!!! I have my Jesus, who sees and is with me through every detail!! I must simply trust and allow Him to invade every space of my life!!
I am in the process! And have seen Gods faithfulness time and time again!! 
I have been given examples!
I have others to journey with!! 

But most of all!!! I have my Jesus, who sees and is with me through every detail!! I must simply trust and allow Him to invade every space of my life!!

Yes Lord

I have been called and have said yes! As of June mid June... i have said yes to the calling to be an Intervention Specialist in Marion, Ohio! Is this is a scary leap... Why yes! Way more scary than I thought it may be?
I thought my calling was to go else where... to travel... to go to a different country or at lest another state...
But, I have asked and told the Lord, WHEREVER you send me Lord! I will go!!!
So through much prayer, council and more prayer.... I haven been called to Marion, Ohio!!! I have had moments of doubt and wonder and questioning, why Lord, am I making the right choice? And the Lord reminds me, so gently, I have called you, my plans and ways are perfect! I have never failed you and I never will!! I love you my beloved, allow me to take you by the hand and lead.... you just follow!

So I must just grab on to my Heavenly Father's hand and follow! Through each struggle through doubt, through each uncertainty, knowing His plan and path is perfect!
He know every desire of my heart!! He knows, I want to teach internationally, I want to love the unlovable, I so desire so be a wife and a mother! But I continuously say Lord lead me!!! I say thank you Lord, for giving me a wonderful job as an intervention specialist, that I may gain experience, be mentored as a new teacher, and that I may grow as the teacher that He has called me to be!!!

I say thank you for today, for my first day as a summer beehive teacher, to 13 wonderful kingergarden boys and girls, 9 of which are boys and the kids are 4 and 5 yrs old!  I may have chased  one of my boy with autism down the hall 6 times... and  boy that boy can dart and run so so fast! Most of my plans worked.. others we had to readjust to make them work.. but in the end we all had fun and I think the kiddos learned something! But despite all the hard moments... I was sitting on the floor at the end of the day... playing a game with 8 of the boys and they were asking me questions and all snuggled in really tight.. and even though they were all sweaty... I had an ahh haa momet and was like oh man i love this so much and I couldn't imagine doing anything else!!! So I am so thankful!!!

Do I Go? or Do I Stay?

I awoke with the urge to check my email this morning, like I often do, so at 6am... barley awake, I read this email:
Hi Heather. I hope that you are doing well.  I'd love to hear what you're thinking and praying about...why? I'm sitting in a classroom right now observing a little girl with a significant learning disability.  She requires so much academic support that my staff isn't trained to provide. The staff loves her and does everything in their power to help but she isn't making progress.  I'd really like to have a teacher join us that can invest the time into these children on a daily basis.
Blessings,
Jeff (The principal from the school in Mauritius, Africa)
As soon as I finished reading this email, a burden so heavy was placed upon my heart!
This is my passion!
My Dream
My Calling

• I want to teach children with special needs
• I want to go, to do it in such an nontraditional way
• I have been given a tool box of skills and tools! I want to share!
• I have such a love and passion for the people of Africa!
• I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus
• I have such a heart and love to meet the needs of struggling students
• I believe that to seek to learn is to seek to serve and this right here is a prime example and opportunity to do as so as a kingdom builder of Jesus!

Wonder, doubt, uncertainty seeps in:

• This is a raise your own support job, who is going to support me?
• I have $59,000 in school loans... how will I pay these?
• Where and how would I make money?
• I would be far from home, what if something happens or someone needs me?
• Do I have enough experience or enough to offer?
• Should I pass up another job offer?

But even as I wonder or doubt, I am stopped in my tracks with the very word and truth of God:
"For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline."  2 Timothy 1:7
I have faith that my God can do a marvelous and wonderful work!
If this is what He has called me too, He will provide every cent, every need, He will be my strength, He will help me and provide the resources!

I am called to have faith, to TRUST! He has not failed me once!!!

So as I pray and consider these options, I more than anything want to be lead by the Lord! As I sit before the Lord, asking and praying for His leading and guiding! I can help but to say, Speak Lord your Servant is listening!
My prayer and Hearts desire remains: WHEREVER YOU SEND ME LORD USE ME!