"Even there your hand will lead me; your right hand will hold on to me." -Psalm 139:10
SO here I am... a little over 5 years from starting this blog that I named: Wherever you send me Lord, use me! That also is written on my graduation cap with a little world I painted with people all around that! But in all honesty and complete vulnerability I did not think that would mean here in 2019 after completing my 5th year of teaching in Ohio... in my parents house in my tiny bedroom (the only thing that I really can even call mine)
I thought Wherever you SEND ME... meant somewhere... anywhere but here!!!
Does it sound like I am complaining.... okay maybe??? I totally don't mean to sound that way, just keeping it open and honest... so there it is, thats how I am feeling.... with a little bit of feeling just stuck and totally unsuccessful... I know I should't compare but let me do it just really quick: So I have a best friend who is working her dream job... aka Tish as a Travel nurse.... she is getting ready to complete her 1st full rotation here in Cleveland and then its off to Texas for her next rotation... Que Best Friend Road Trip and some big memory making (Good stuff) I get to help her move... I get to help her move for like the 4th time.... don't get me wrong.... I love it.... I think secretively its like a spiritual gift of mine (I mean my family themsleves have moved over 14 times) so anyways back to the good times yes.... Road trip time in Texas with my gal (doing Texas stuff, unpacking, making her newest space look amazing, maybe some swim time oh please Jesus swimming time its going to be hot, some cards where I beat her in skipbo and some oh soooo wonderful time spent in the Word studying and talking all about Jesus....... so can't wait...... BUT this also means a huge shift and I mean HUGE after literally spending the past 7... almost 8 years .... thats like 2,737 or something days in the same state of Ohio and many of those 2,737 days which I would guess to be be like maybe 700 days (Just guessing and rounding here) together doing stuff like being roomates in college and a little after, hang times with her amazing gram, visits and sleepovers to her several different wonderful homes, daytrips places, runs and so much more.... it will change when I fly back to OHIO solo...... we wont get to physically see each other once a week for a run or every other weekend for a sleepover or once a month or even after 9 weeks of student teaching (Come to think of it, thats prob the longest to date of being friends that we have gone without seeing each other) so yes, change its going to be different.... but I say all that to say, although different , but still Best Friends because Jesus is our glue our center that make us who we are! So there will be skype or facetime dates or something of the sort and phone calls and maybe and prayerfully a visit here and there..... but Tish is going off to live her dream.... she is stepping out in obedience, she felt the cal, took the steps and now its happening...
Then I have my dear Emily, she dreamed and prayed for a Husband and she got wonderful John and she prayed for a child and got the amazing Hudson... I sure do love being his Auntie!! And she dreamed and searched for the right house and just 2 months ago they bought their first home and I helped Emily pack a lot up (Que that Spiritual gift of moving)!
Hannah has her beautiful Family her Husband and beautiful boys Easton and Henrik (Oh I love being their Auntie).
My friend Dea is pursing her dream of being a Speech Patholgist (Shes working on her Masters now) go girl go, she has her own home and an adorable puppy!
......
SOOOOOOOOO it seems and feels like everyone elses lives are just moving right along....
And I just feel stuck!
Don't get me wrong, I love being in friendship and being Auntie to the three little little nuggets I love so much!
I do!
But I have to stop and assess..... what do I have to do or to learn?!?
Am I limiting God by my definition of wherever you send me??????
Because I did indeed sign my contract for a 4th year at Noble Academy right here in Clevaland... do I sense this is where God has made my Wherever for this moment.... yes!
But I also know... at the end of December of 2018.... The Lord placed on my heart and within my spirit the Word DREAM for the 2019 year.... well here I am in the 6th month of 2019 and I am still not sure what that means???? I did apply and updated my profile for the sending agency to teach internationally!!! Oh how I dream of that.... but truly right here in this moment I dream about becoming a wife and a Mommy, oh how I want to kiss the heads of babes!!! I dream of living in more freedom (I feel like a caged bird in my parents house.... so JESUS I leave this very dream in your hands and before your throne that I would find a roomie to have somewhere else to live that would fit into my budget.... you see exactly what it is Jesus and you know the answers)
I want to be in the will of God and whatever it is that He has called me to do and accomplish, I want to do the very best that I can do at it!! I commit to being the very best teacher that I can be for all of my students and coworkers!
I committ to investing my talents, time and treasures in both my school and church... I know that is an investment I can make in the new school year to come as I know the Lord will lead me and as I DAILY and ACTIVELY choose to make right here my wherever.... because I want to be used of the LORD even when I do not understand!!!
