Monday, April 14, 2014

It's the Little Things (The Details)

I would say that it is the little things in life that matter the most to me, and I would even say it is the little things in life that have the most significant impact in many realms: from spiritually, mentally and emotionally!
I love the little things of life so much, the:

  • random texts or little notes that say "I love you"
  • the laughter of friends
  • the warmth of the sunshine after a long winter
  • the sleepovers in the living room on a small mattress so we could all be together
  • the reminder of a special bond of friendship or family memory when a certain song comes on the radio
  • hugs
  • dripping frosting all over the place when making tons of cupcakes knowing your making lifetime memories
  • when my students color me pictures
  • holding hands during prayer
  • well cooked green beans
  • extra cheesy pizza
  • super chocolaty chip cookies
  •  when my students get what I am working so hard at teaching them
  • freshly washed sheets
  • ...... and the list could go on!!!!

For I believe that the Lord is using the little things of this life to mold, shape and prepare us for the big picture... For as I once said... "The journey is at times so much more valuable than the end result" For we just want to get to the big picture, the end result from graduation to the "right job" to the next break or vacation... or even for Friday or the weekend... we often say if I can just make it till Friday and we push and we shove to get to that next step or the next point... that we miss and lose out.... man am I guilty of that....
I have to stop and ask my self, what would it look like to live in each moment so open to the Lord'd fine tuning and shaping... being so present in the moment we have been called to live...
This sure is hard... like really hard, we live in a fast pace world only looking forward to the next thing..... but whoa... lets slow down!!!!  For we do not belong to the fast pace world.... but we belong to Jesus, so as our potter, who is shaping us... working out all those little details, HE IS ABLE!
I know for me, the little things are the hardest for me to give to the Lord to control... like it seems like the big stuff is like okay... God I know you have this because its the only thing that makes sense... but the small stuff, like:

  • How will I stay connected the way I want to with my close friends
  • Why do I keep messing up
  • How will I be able to pay for this or that
  • What if that makes her mad at me or upset by saying this
  • timing
  • finances
  • desires
  • loneliness
  • leading
  • fear

I know that God is a God of details... He has created me the way that I am... to love the little things and to constantly surrender it all, including the little thing for our potter is working of the flaws the big and small once... I just must continue to trust and give it to him.
I am memorizing Psalm 34 and I believe very much soo a reminder of the Lord, not to live in s spirit of fear, but to SEEK HIM FOR ALL THE DETAILS!!!!

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Has it Really Been a Year?

according too Merriam Webster Dictionary, loss is describe as:  failure to keep or to continue to have something, the experience of having something taken from you or destroyed...

A year ago today... I experienced the loss of relationship... the loss of relationship that had forever changed my life... and in that moment it felt like one of the most devastating things one could experience.... it hurt more than any physical pain I had experience... and I would even venture to say... it was extremely emotionally painful!

So as  I sat across from this dear woman who had spent the last two years building into my life as my mentor and as my friend... someone who I had considered my spiritual mom.... the person... whom I do not think I went a day without texting in those two years... we were tight... I trusted her... I wanted her approval.. I sought it and wanted it.... but in the last few months of our relationship... things were a bit rocky... I would often walk away feeling empty, hurt, confused, frustrated.... just wanting so badly to get what she was telling me or sharing with me... I wanted to be closer to God... I wanted to be closer to her... I continued to want her approval.... I always wanted her in my life.... but on that night as we sat in the cafeteria... eating dinner... we talked and caught up on life.... but then I brought up something  that I was learning in my grief recovery study that I was a part of.... which I had not told her I was a part of... well from there it blow up pretty fast.... I probably apologized like 15 times... for I was truly sorry I had not told her... I had made the choice to not tell her soon enough... I had intentions of telling her... and that was my plan on that night to tell her as the Lord had laid it on my heart....
....... For so long after that.... for the next few months.... I carried that burden around.... that it was my fault.... if only I would have told her sooner... if only I were more truthful.... if only if only if only.....

So back to a year ago......
So after everything blew up.... she told me... I no longer want to be your mentor....
Well... I was left devastated... I still remember that night so perfectly: We left the cafeteria quietly... without saying a word.... At first... I was numb.... I didn't even know what had happened? Then it hit like a wall:, Pain, sadness, LOSS,  I had loss a relationship that I considered to be one of my closest relationships.....

For the next few months... it was hard.... we talked every so often... caught up with little snip bits here and there.... but it wasn't the same.... it was different.....

  • I continued to blame myself.....
  • I continued to live in the hurt of that moment....
  • BUT then the Lord reminded me.... through His Word, Time with Him and conversations with my best friend.... I had to let go.... I had to let Him heal me!!!!

So friends, blog readers, whoever you are......
I am here to tell you!!!! WE SERVE A GOD THAT HEALS AND DELIVERS!!! We don't have to continue to live in bondage.... we don't have to keep going back to that moment or moments of hurt!!!

YES! I have experienced a LOSS....... AND YES it has CHANGED me.... BUT it does not define me!!!! 

This last year has been a healing process! The Lord has taken this last year to show and teach me so much in Him... Don't ever get me wrong... the Lord used those two years to shape and mold me under the Godly council of a woman who was led and in love with the Lord and for that I will be forever grateful for the tools and insight that I gained!
BUT..... By golly!!! I am so thankful for this last year... of it just being me and Him... coming to Him for everything!!! Just seeking Him... asking for His wisdom and insight!!! He has been so good!!! And my Jesus has not failed me once!!! But taught me so much!!!
Through this loss and this road of healing (which I am still on) I have learned so much... so much about the character of God, so much about myself, so much about life!!!
The Lord has used this part of my journey to shape and prepare me and continuously remind me that my HOPE and TRUST must be fully on and in Him!!!

This life is a journey and along our journey we will experience so much!!

  • Loss
  • Hurt
  • Pain
  • Sadness
But if we choose to and allow the Lord to... we can and will experience:

  • Healing
  • Growth
  • Wholeness in the Lord
  • Joy
  • Peace
So please PLEASE!!  If you are reading this... don't feel sorry or sad or mad at anyone for me... but rather... I want you to see how there is HOPE!!! Hope for healing, Hope that only Jesus can give... come to Him!! Your loss... will always be there... things will bring up the memories... you will even feel sad at times because of it.... BUT please don't stay there!!!
We have a Savior... rest in Him... Let Him be the most important person and thing to you on this journey in life! Let Him HEAL you and Change you and keep letting Him do that... Don't stay stuck!!!
It's a process!!!!
ASK & SEEK Him! He won't disappoint... I promise!

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Here is to a New Start on a New Journey

So it is April 1st...

  • A new month
  • The beginning of a new season!!!! Spring!!! I believe is finally here and hopefully here to stay!
  • Although I have been on this new journey of post graduation now for 2 months.. I would still consider it new... as I still feel like it is an adjustment.... with living on my own or aka my best friend Tish, taking care of my own expenses but also consistently receiving a paycheck as an after-school teacher! 
So I believe it is fair to say: This is a new Season in my life!!! So many brand news, so many happy moments, trying moments, so much learning and growing!! But all due to an Amazing Heavenly Father that has been there every step of the way!!!

So I am here to reflect and share in this new Season of my journey with you all through blog!!!
So as I have been inspired through two very amazing women of the Lord.... both my sisters and friends... who too have shared their hearts and lives with me and their readers through blogger...

So thank you Tish and Dea... you precious ladies have inspired me!!!

So with all that said! I am here to blog and share my new journey for all who want to travel along with me!!!