Has it Really Been a Year?

Loss....
according too Merriam Webster Dictionary, loss is describe as:  failure to keep or to continue to have something, the experience of having something taken from you or destroyed...

A year ago today... I experienced the loss of relationship... the loss of relationship that had forever changed my life... and in that moment it felt like one of the most devastating things one could experience.... it hurt more than any physical pain I had experience... and I would even venture to say... it was extremely emotionally painful!

So as  I sat across from this dear woman who had spent the last two years building into my life as my mentor and as my friend... someone who I had considered my spiritual mom.... the person... whom I do not think I went a day without texting in those two years... we were tight... I trusted her... I wanted her approval.. I sought it and wanted it.... but in the last few months of our relationship... things were a bit rocky... I would often walk away feeling empty, hurt, confused, frustrated.... just wanting so badly to get what she was telling me or sharing with me... I wanted to be closer to God... I wanted to be closer to her... I continued to want her approval.... I always wanted her in my life.... but on that night as we sat in the cafeteria... eating dinner... we talked and caught up on life.... but then I brought up something  that I was learning in my grief recovery study that I was a part of.... which I had not told her I was a part of... well from there it blow up pretty fast.... I probably apologized like 15 times... for I was truly sorry I had not told her... I had made the choice to not tell her soon enough... I had intentions of telling her... and that was my plan on that night to tell her as the Lord had laid it on my heart....
....... For so long after that.... for the next few months.... I carried that burden around.... that it was my fault.... if only I would have told her sooner... if only I were more truthful.... if only if only if only.....

So back to a year ago......
So after everything blew up.... she told me... I no longer want to be your mentor....
Well... I was left devastated... I still remember that night so perfectly: We left the cafeteria quietly... without saying a word.... At first... I was numb.... I didn't even know what had happened? Then it hit like a wall:, Pain, sadness, LOSS,  I had loss a relationship that I considered to be one of my closest relationships.....

For the next few months... it was hard.... we talked every so often... caught up with little snip bits here and there.... but it wasn't the same.... it was different.....

• I continued to blame myself.....
• I continued to live in the hurt of that moment....
• BUT then the Lord reminded me.... through His Word, Time with Him and conversations with my best friend.... I had to let go.... I had to let Him heal me!!!!

So friends, blog readers, whoever you are......
I am here to tell you!!!! WE SERVE A GOD THAT HEALS AND DELIVERS!!! We don't have to continue to live in bondage.... we don't have to keep going back to that moment or moments of hurt!!!

YES! I have experienced a LOSS....... AND YES it has CHANGED me.... BUT it does not define me!!!! 


This last year has been a healing process! The Lord has taken this last year to show and teach me so much in Him... Don't ever get me wrong... the Lord used those two years to shape and mold me under the Godly council of a woman who was led and in love with the Lord and for that I will be forever grateful for the tools and insight that I gained!
BUT..... By golly!!! I am so thankful for this last year... of it just being me and Him... coming to Him for everything!!! Just seeking Him... asking for His wisdom and insight!!! He has been so good!!! And my Jesus has not failed me once!!! But taught me so much!!!
Through this loss and this road of healing (which I am still on) I have learned so much... so much about the character of God, so much about myself, so much about life!!!
The Lord has used this part of my journey to shape and prepare me and continuously remind me that my HOPE and TRUST must be fully on and in Him!!!

This life is a journey and along our journey we will experience so much!!

• Loss
• Hurt
• Pain
• Sadness

But if we choose to and allow the Lord to... we can and will experience:

• Healing
• Growth
• Wholeness in the Lord
• Joy
• Peace

So please PLEASE!!  If you are reading this... don't feel sorry or sad or mad at anyone for me... but rather... I want you to see how there is HOPE!!! Hope for healing, Hope that only Jesus can give... come to Him!! Your loss... will always be there... things will bring up the memories... you will even feel sad at times because of it.... BUT please don't stay there!!!
We have a Savior... rest in Him... Let Him be the most important person and thing to you on this journey in life! Let Him HEAL you and Change you and keep letting Him do that... Don't stay stuck!!!
It's a process!!!!
ASK & SEEK Him! He won't disappoint... I promise!